Jo Saxton

Posts Tagged ‘Reflections’

When a Nashville friend of mine discovered Facebook – the first group she joined was entitled thus

“If you love a Southern woman raise your glasses; if you don’t, raise your standards.”

As I watched the Blind Side, that statement rang through my head repeatedly. The Blind Side recounts the true story of Michael Oher, now footballer for the Baltimore Ravens. Growing up in Memphis, Tennessee, Oher’s mother was a drug addict. He’d received little help or attention in his childhood, staying in a number of friends homes, and had been consistently passed on and ignored in the education system. His background bore the classic marks of a forgotten young man who could ultimately become a crime statistic.

Against social conventions, Sean Tuohy and his wife Leigh Anne took him in, and employed a tutor to help him secure his grades and eventually become Oher’s adoptive family. It’s an amazing story of how a family and Leigh Anne in particular  was prepared to fight for was needed, no matter how confrontational or uncomfortable for those involved – all for the sake of one young life. Leigh Anne (played by Sandra Bullock) was strong and assertive, warm, but not the kind of woman to be messed with. She wasn’t afraid to confront her friends’ bigotry, to ask difficult questions even of herself, to move from questions to action, to take in a stranger and raise him into a man and a son. Faith that is lived.

When you read interviews of Leigh Anne Tuohy in person, you see that Sandra Bullock captured her well. You’ve gotta love a Southern woman like that. Raise your glasses, indeed. 

Leaving the movie I reflected on how much investment people need to become all they were created to be, and how difficult it is when they are not given opportunity. Can we ever mentor without sacrifice? Can we invest in generation without a fight? And can we penetrate the broken communities of our cities, without inviting people into our lives, families, potentially even our homes? In Oher’s case, his life was transformed, with the help of people, teachers, friends, families who were prepared to be more than sympathetic, but were determined to get involved.

Who are we called to, where are we drawn to get involved?  Whose lives are we called to today?

Where does our faith live?

I am not into the Princess thing, but I have two preschool daughters so I am hardly going to avoid it. I’m just accepting it as a phase that too will pass. But it was a no brainer that I was taking them to see the Princess and the Frog.

I’d heard a few negatives about it actually. Why did the first African American Princess have to be the one turned into a Frog? Was the Prince not African American for a reason? How could it be set in New Orleans forgetting Katrina and all the racial politics within? Does it just play into old stereotypes and ignore reality?

It’s always difficult being the first, the one breaking new ground. The weight of expectations and longing, of righting perceived or real wrongs, the pressure to be definitive, to heal to communicate to represent can be immense. So much so that we can forget that its very presence IS a breakthrough, IS a success. We forget the transformative power found in simply by what we see.

So what did I see? I liked the New Orleans of the movie. Alongside the more nostalgic style of animation was a New Orleans of old; vibrant with music and hospitality, whilst still revealing the racial inequities of its time. I saw a young black woman who was vibrant, hard working, sacrificial and ambitious- but who chose integrity and character even at the expense of her worthy personal dreams. She did fall in love with a Prince  (this is still Disney folks, not social commentary) but did so whilst he was a frog. It’s a good story. My personal negative: the Shadowman bugged me; I get bored of the spiritual component of some of the Disney villains, and I’m not convinced it’s necessary. And perhaps an opportunity was missed with Prince from a place that didn’t exist, or was the interracial relationship even more groundbreaking? Discuss.

I liked what my daughters saw.  The bad guy lost. The good girl won. Good choices, good character won. And Tiana was the ebony skinned star of the story. They don’t need a cartoon character to be a role model, their parents are ready for that job. But I love that as they grow up they see increasing amounts of diversity; in politics, in the Supreme Court, in commercials, and on the silver screen. Different won’t be so exotic or “other”; they’ll see themselves everywhere, and that matters.

Don’t underestimate the affirming power of simply what you can see.

“Don’t you realise that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize?  So run to win!  All athletes are disciplined in their training.  They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-25

So I guess this is one of the more famous passages in the Bible about the Christian life.  One that is quoted often, usually in relation to discipline and it’s certainly helpful in that way. But I’ve been thinking about it a bit with a different slant.  My question has been ‘What is the race? What is the prize?’

I’ve concluded, for now, that it’s not a race to be the best Christian possible, it’s not a race to be the most ‘holy’, the most disciplined, to have the biggest ministry. Rather it’s a race to lay your life down for the sake of the Kingdom.  It’s one of those upside-down Kingdom things.  We’re not racing to be first but to be last (“But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then“ Matt 19:30).  We run and discipline ourselves for the benefit of others, for the glory of the King and for people who don’t know God, for those who need Him and need us to play our part.

I think perhaps most fundamentally of all it’s a race to develop deep relationship with our heavenly Father.  Deep, in that it penetrates our whole lives and consequently gives birth to an abundance of Kingdom life.  Deep, because it goes beyond the surface, beyond the immediate issues or situations we face, and grows into a deep, lasting, immovable peace and joy, fuelled by the love of the Father.  The sort of relationship which sustains you in the face of grief, stress, uncertainty, hardship.

So, why are you running?  What is the prize set before you?  Run to win!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28–30

This is one of those well worn passages that speaks again and again.

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest… who doesn’t identify with that diagnosis of the state of their lives sometimes? Wearied and burdened, by stresses, responsibilities, relationships.  Who doesn’t want a break sometimes? Jesus offer of rest speaks deeply to our souls. And it would be easy to end there, knowing that whenever we are overwhelmed, he gives us a way out.

But he offers us more, so much more than that.

Take my yoke upon you…

His rest does not mean life is void of responsibility.  We still have responsibilities and relationships that we’re invested, committed, yoked to. Only this time, they are the ones Jesus has called us to and with that given us the grace for. So it’s not a responsibility we’ve acquired because we’re unable to say no; nor is it a relationship we’re investing in out of people pleasing or co-dependence. His rest is a yoke that is easy. Not easy in the way we understand easy today (if we think that then we expect our God given relationships and responsibilities to be problem free – that is not what the text says!).  Here easy means custom made, well fitting – a yoke placed on us by Jesus himself. It’s interesting that there’s still a burden too, but a light one that can be carried.

Take my yoke upon you…

There’s an offer but we need to embrace it. We can’t take on His yoke whilst clinging to our own. We’ll need to let go first…

And learn from me…

This is what struck me the most this time around.  Jesus offers me more than a break and some “me time’.  He invites me into a new way to live. And I don’t even have to get it because it’s not something I achieve; instead I learn as I walk through life with him.

Everybody get’s overwhelmed at some point. All of us wish there was a map, a book, that helped us navigate dating, work, marriage, parenting. What I’m discovering as I explore this verse again, is no, I don’t have a blueprint for life. But I have One who gave me relationships and responsibilities, a yoke that fits and a burden that is light. And I have an invitation to walk with Him and learn how to do life in all its complexity, His Way.

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honour at God’s right hand.  Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.  For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.  And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory” Colossians 3:1-4

Where is your focus?  As you go through life what is it that defines the way you see the world?  Colossians talks about setting our sights on the realities of heaven.  Often I forget this and get consumed and distracted by the realities of earth.  It’s so easy to do isn’t it?  The things right in front of us that need doing or attending to – the relationships, the work, the tasks, the just-getting-by.

But when our life becomes defined more by earthly things than by what God says we might begin to struggle.  The magazine that tells us we should be thinner vs. God saying we’re beautiful; the boss who demands greater achievement vs. God who says we don’t need to achieve anything to be acceptable to and loved by Him; the culture which says we need to consume and own things in order to fit in vs. God who says that real life is not measured by how much we own (Luke 12:15).

Setting our sights on the realities of heaven requires hope and faith – and we often feel it’s risky because heavenly realities are unseen.  But the more you get to know the nature of our Father and his character, the more that risk is easier to take and the easier it becomes to see things from God’s point of view.

Today let God show you where you’ve become more defined by an earthly reality rather than a heavenly one.  Agree with Him now to set your sights on the realities of heaven and to seek out what that means in your reality.

It’s been a crazy summer with lots of great times, but also lots of challenges.

How do you navigate your way through the mad times? This summer has been one of those times! There have been fearful moments – the health scare, sitting in a doctor’s office wondering if a diagnosis was about to rock my world.  Then the moment a few days later when I discovered, no I’m fine, it’s fine.  And I realized how out of my control life is sometimes.  There have been wonderful opportunities, gifts   - things I couldn’t have wished for, because I can’t control even the things I desire. There have been struggles and disappointments too, hard stuff, when life presents those uncontrollable dilemmas.  Through it all I see the threads of battle and brokenness and blessing, that inevitable combination that I realize is an integral part of walking with God. So how do you respond?

I know how at times I’d like to respond. I know how sometimes I’m compelled to respond when I’m forced to face deep seated wounds and fears. And then I think of how God wants me to respond.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6: 13

This verse has so many incredible insights but it’s the very end of the sentence that has been on my mind: and after you have done everything, to stand.

When the prayers are prayed, the Scriptures are spoken, and the songs are sung, what then? When you have done everything you know, what does it mean to stand?

I wonder if it means different things at different times, depending on the battle. There are times when to stand has meant to speak up, other times it’s required silence.  This time I have the image of a marathon runner, just putting one foot in front of the other. Level and steady, no flash displays of athleticism, just doing what they’ve always known to do. They breathe properly and keep running.

And so that’s where I find myself right now. Just doing what I know to do; to pray, read the Bible, to worship, be in community, spread the gospel. I’ve no magnificent surge of faith or revelation.  When I’m bored, it’s one foot in front of the other. Overwhelmed or overjoyed, its one foot in front of the other.  Through the tears, its one foot in front of the other. I’m on His path, so I breathe in deeply, and I keep running

“If we have not achieved our early dreams, we must either find new ones or see what we can salvage from the old. If we have accomplished what we set out to do in our youth, then we need not weep like Alexander the Great that we have no more worlds to conquer. There is clearly much left to be done and whatever else we are going to do, we had better get on with it.” Rosalyn Carter.

Last week, we looked at unfulfilled dreams, but the second part of Carter’s comments present a different kind of challenge. What happens when our dreams come true? What happens after ‘happily ever after’? And taking the idea out of fairytales and into our spiritual journey, what happens when your prayers are answered and God gives you the desires of your heart?

Some of us can articulate exactly what that prayer, that life longing, was. We prayed for a husband, or children, or a home. We prayed for healing, or freedom, or for a mighty breakthrough in some part of a wounded heart. For some it was career success, or a ministry opportunity.  And He answered with a resounding YES. Since that day, that time, we’ve been thankful and grateful and revelled in the blessing, we dived into our answered prayer, enjoying every moment.  Yet some of us, if we dare, admit we’ve also got a little bored, wondering why the thing we’d longed for for so long doesn’t satisfy us anymore. Others simply ask, what happens now?

It’s at this point we realise that an answered prayer was never the ultimate goal, it was only the beginning. There is life with God beyond the answer. So now that you’re married, what is God saying to you about your marriage? Now you have those much longed for children, what does He say about raising them? Now the prayers have fallen into place – what does He say now? Has it built our faith and strengthened us on our journey? Or have we revelled in the gifts we’ve been given so much that we’ve forgotten to reconnect with the Giver?

What I love about this quote is the salutary reminder that, wonderful though it is, there is more to life than our personal dreams coming true. It reminded me that thankful though I am, there is more to life than getting the life that I always wanted. There is still a Great Commission, there is still a broken world of hurt, there is a role to play.

We could continue to dream, but perhaps the thing to do is live. So if your prayers have been answered, celebrate! And with the strength and faith that has built up through that answered prayer, with the confidence in God that has grown because of his goodness in your life, pursue Him again. And listen out for what He wants for your life on the next stage of the Great God Adventure.

After the dream has gone.

Rosalyn Carter (wife of President Jimmy Carter) wrote: “If we have not achieved our early dreams, we must either find new ones or see what we can salvage from the old. If we have accomplished what we set out to do in our youth, then we need not weep like Alexander the Great that we have no more worlds to conquer. There is clearly much left to be done and whatever else we are going to do, we had better get on with it.”

I found this quote incredibly profound, and have been reflecting upon it for the past 24 hours or so. It addresses the question of what you do after the dream has gone. Is there life after disappointment? Is there life after fulfillment?

What happens when life doesn’t go the way you hoped? With the relationship that didn’t work out, the career that didn’t materialize, the child that never came? I’ve often had a one track mind with destiny; I knew what I was going for, felt called to and that was it. Life teaches me that my journey is far more textured than that.  It requires more flexibility to go with the twists and turns that inevitably come my way. I have to admit, that’s not a natural thing for me. Some of that is just my personality. Some of it is that sometimes, if I feel God’s in something, my dreams become my plans, my ideas become my rights.  He’s my God, so why is this happening to me? And I have to remind myself that a relationship with God is not a slot machine where you pop a prayer to get the desired outcome. He’s not my Horoscope in the back of a magazine where I am told what is meant to be and all I have to do is sit and let it happen. Life, people, me – we’re all way more messy than that.

So what do we do after the dream has gone? The thing that challenged me in Rosalyn Carter’s words is that she had the integrity to admit that dreams do die, and they don’t come back. Sometimes it really is over – though I can’t count how many times I have pushed and fought for a dream gone sour….Still she says we must take the best of the old if possible, or even find a new dream. We know that’s not an easy process. There is grieving when a dream dies, sorrow, anger, confusion. But her words suggest that there’s hope, there’s life beyond the death of a dream, that we can choose to dream again, rather than live in a cynical no man’s land defined by disappointment, confusion and frustration.

I used to think the most faith filled thing was to hold on to the dream. Fight for it in our hearts with all we have. Never let it go, never let it die. These days I think, after the dream has gone, the most faith filled, courageous thing we can do is to admit it. Then let go of the dream and cling with all we have left to Jesus. And then, possibly the scariest step of all – begin to move on into the future. Because where our faith is concerned, death is not the end, it is the start of new life.

“I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even though they die” John 11:25

More on this next week in Part 2…

The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.”

Gen 12:1

One question has dominated my thinking this summer:  Am I living for safety or adventure?

It began by watching a DVD of a man called Edwin Friedman (1932 – 1996), a rabbi, therapist leadership consultant. Friedman noted that society had become over focused on safety, and in doing so every institution had become stuck. Unable to think its way out of a rut, what society needed to move forward was adventure…

Friedman’s thoughts ignited something in me as I thought about walking with God today. Have we played it safe and avoided adventure? Have we got focused on what the church provides for our families, the quality of the gatherings, or our own personal healing?  On one level there is nothing wrong with wanting safety; after all God is our refuge. There is nothing wrong with seeking God for our own personal wholeness, he is our Healer. But I can’t help but feel that God has more in mind for us. There’s got to be more to knowing God than a good looking church, with great products. There’s got to be more to our journey with God than a safe expression of Christianity, for me, my friends and our kids. What is our true mission? I believe that from that place of refuge we are called out to the God adventure…

Our lives are full of other things, many of them God given. Could God be so inconvenient that he would break into our world and call us out from our comfort zones? The God adventure will look different for each of us. It might be the call to sponsor a child, to mentor someone. To give sacrificially, to talk to your neighbor about Jesus. It might be a call to lead, to open our home, to go for that promotion, change that career path.   Most of all, I think it’s an attitude where we stay open to whatever God has in store.

This summer, I’ve wondered what it would look like to put myself, my family, my desires in God’s hands again, and listen to his call. I’m realizing that walking with God on His adventure is the safest place to be.

Are we ready for a God adventure?

In the next few weeks you’ll see a new look Everywoman site. You’ll meet new writers, new topics, some great new articles and more stories of ordinary lives in the hand of an extraordinary God.

But before we launch into a new thing, we’re going to have a summer review. God’s spoken to us over the past few months through these stories, and mini Bible studies; we don’t want to discard them.  We want to absorb everything God intended, reflect on the journey he’s leading us on and consider how far he’s brought us. We have courage and faith to walk into the future when we are reminded of God’s faithfulness in the past.

With that in mind we’ll be diving into the archives and posting a few articles from the past few months. Why not also take a look back yourself and revisit those articles you remember and discover those you might have missed.

We hope the words encourage you again, strengthen you again, challenge and inspire you again, as he leads you onwards into the future.

‘No-one can lay any other foundation than the one we already have – Jesus Christ.  Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials – gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw.  But on judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done.  The fire will show if a person’s work has any value.  If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward.  But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss.  The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames’.  1 Corinthians 3: 11-15

What is the foundation we build our lives upon?  It’s Jesus – his grace to us in relationship, in freedom and in securing our identity with our Father.  God is very concerned that we build on the right foundations. But he is also bothered about how we then build on that foundation.

This little passage from 1 Corinthians makes it clear that God puts value on how and what we build our lives with.  Gold, silver and jewels indicate that there are things worth building that are of great value in the Kingdom of God.  But it also suggests that there are things we can build that are of no eternal value and which will be burned up.  The Bible is absolutely clear in this passage and in other places that what we do cannot earn us salvation – that is only possible through the grace of God – but it seems that God does have an agenda in how we live our lives once we are in relationship with Him.  So my question is, what are you building with?  How are you building the things of God and His Kingdom in your life, your family, your community, your workplace?

I’m not sure there is a heavenly list somewhere of what activities God does or does not consider valuable.  I do think that the Bible makes clear one thing that is important, and that is LOVE. ‘The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love’ (Galatians 5:6); ‘These three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.’ (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Whatever you do, however you build, build it with love and I reckon you can’t go far wrong.

“Mama”, asked Tia, “Do you remember the day I was born?”

DO I remember? I remember. How could I possibly forget and why would I ever want to? I remember the first time I saw her, face to face. Her feet, her hair, her scent. My baby.

I replied “Tia, I remember and it was the most amazing day.” She smiled and left me to my own thoughts.

It was as though the Lord spoke to me straight away, as the following verses popped into my head:

“The people of Zion said, “The LORD has turned away and forgotten us.”

The LORD answered, “Could a mother forget a child who nurses at her breast? Could she fail to love an infant who came from her own body?

Even if a mother could forget, I will never forget you.  A picture of your city is drawn on my hand.

You are always in my thoughts!”

Isaiah 49:15

It made me think of the many times over the years I’d felt forgotten, ignored by God. He wasn’t interested in my needs; he wasn’t listening to my prayers. He had too many important things to be dealing with to notice me. I just needed to thank him for my salvation and quit complaining and stop feeling so sorry for myself. And as He presented me with these words, I realized how wrong I’ve been about Him, how conditional my understanding of his love has been. I thought about my kids – the good days, the bad days, the mundane days, and how much I love them on any given day. It gave me a fresh glimpse of his perfect love. I understood the freedom and acceptance that produces peace and security alongside the discipline that comes with being a good parent. I saw the times he let me fail and learn, the times he cheered on my growth, the times he stored my tears (Ps. 56:8). All love.

I wonder where you’re at today.

Perhaps there are prayers that linger unanswered; hurt that leaves you confused, and disappointment that invites cynicism. Maybe you’re just busy and weary, or maybe life is great right now. Wherever you are at, He remembers you.

You are always in his thoughts.

I’m not a great fan of surprises, nor a huge fan of wiry grey hair. So imagine my deep joy when my beloved hairdresser Shirley told  me I had at least  4 new silver offerings since my last visit. It had only been TWO WEEKS.

Perhaps I shouldn’t care, but I did.  I was about to turn 35 , and it was  taking a little adjustment.  I  guess an age thing was happening.

I’m happy with my life. I have a great hubby, two adorable kids, many unexpected blessings. It’s not like I want to be twenty five again. Or even feel it.  If memory serves me right it was not my happiest year anyhow (27 , 28, 29 ROCKED the clock). I don’t want my twenty five year old body; my thirty year old running fiend shape was my all time fave! I am not haunted by regrets of choices I didn’t make, things I didn’t achieve…Professionally I am happy and motivated. But thirty five is…older and somehow significantly nearer to forty than it was even a year ago. And thirty five is simply NOW.

I’m not a twenty something woman dreaming of what life could be when I have married, have kids, work out what I want to do with my life.  I’ve enjoyed living in the future, the realm of ideals and possibilities. They gave me hope and inspiration. But maturity calls me to also live in the now, initiating life and embracing today.

I’ve made my choices and here I am: sometimes it’s wonderful, sometimes it’s crazy. Sometimes it’s nothing to speak of. Today is not always as exciting; life certainly doesn’t all go my way like it does in my dreams. Today has boredom and brilliance, struggles and successes, inspiration and insecurity, hurt and healing.  But it’s a day I’ve been given and when I pay it some attention, I see how wonderful and how important it is to live it.  Besides it determines my future anyway.

So perhaps embracing it is the answer, to discover the unknown in the life I know. Today I’m a bit more honest, more realistic, hopefully wiser than yesterday. (If the hair is any indicator – my wisdom is multiplying by the nanosecond. At some stage I may throw the current economic crisis to the wind and get my hair dyed. Keep my wisdom under wraps).

So , whatever your age, stage and hair color,  raise a glass to TODAY. They’ll never be another day like it.

Near our lodge, up in the pines, was a huge pile of long chopped logs, stacked high. The rings at the heart of each log tell a story; the years they’d been around. Certain logs were riven with deep cracks, some that were shape altering. Others had bark that was stripped and bare and broken. The cracks hinted at certain things the trees had weathered and survived. The bare bark exposed perhaps what has been lost, what difficulty had cost. Nonetheless, grouped together they bore some kind of awkward beauty.

It got me thinking about our relationships as Christians and how we do life together. Each one of us has a story to tell, years about each other that we simply do not know about. We may carry cracks within that run like fault lines to our very core. We’ve been altered by the experience. Some of us still look a little vulnerable, as we emerge from the storms.

But it can be difficult to “group together” can’t it? It’s difficult to tell our stories, to share our vulnerability. It’s certainly hard work to tolerate the cracks within another, especially when we are busy hiding our own.  It’s easier, much easier to pull away and stand alone and save ourselves the hurt, hassle and disappointment. It’s easier to stand side by side in worship and face the front, and close our eyes, never having to face one another.  So we don’t find ways to draw nearer.

Grouped together, awkwardly beautiful, the logs had potential. They might become the heart of a fire bringing light into darkness. They were huge so they could be used to build something. More cabins, a home, a shelter, a base. Peter describes God’s people as “living stones” who “are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood”. Paul describes God people as “God’s temple”, home to his Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:17).

Jesus is still interested in building his church. But that is someone else’s post.

I’m actually thinking far more about our friendships, our acquaintances, our families. I’m thinking about the people who we rub up against, whose vulnerability repels us, whose broken bark scratches us. I’m thinking about the cracks that have (mis)shaped me, and how they interact with someone else’s. Is there more to our relationships than we have seen, and dare we go there?

“You hem me in – behind and before;

You have laid your hand on me”

Psalm 139:5

God’s hands at work conjure up many images for me. They’re the hands of a father, holding his child close. They’re the hands of a deliverer, breaking chains. They’re the hands of a savior, nailed to blood stained wood. Though the pictures differ, I generally associate them with freedom. But when I look at these words I feel surrounded.  It’s not that God has not given me freedom, but I think sometimes with His love, He confronts me with a reality check.

We’ve spent Independence Day weekend north at a camp in Prescott up in the pine forests. It’s isolated. No internet access, no cell phone coverage. No escape. Funny how in all this space I’ve been cornered.

My mind had been buzzing for days, with anxieties, angst and frustrations, decisions. I was seeking, demanding answers.  I passed a slab of concrete with a hand imprint (pictured) and this verse came to mind.

He has laid his hand on me; he has left a permanent impression.  It’s more than a God shaped hole; it’s his finger prints, the lines on his hand, his identity is impressed upon mine.

He has laid his hand upon me. And that deep impression means there’s a different way to look for answers. It’s futile and frustrating looking for them without him. In fact in this instance, I needed simply to look for HIM, the one who truly “completes me”.

Because he has laid his hand upon me, I am not my own. Though it sounds restrictive, legalistic, not free – it’s the truth. I am his. My call is not my call at all, my desires are not my rights. I’m not entitled to my dreams, no matter how noble. I want control; he wants obedience when life takes a shape that I cannot control. I want clarity; he wants faith built on his words to me. I want to make plans; he wants me for pilgrimage. I want success, he wants surrender.

I feel hemmed in, as though he’s asking who is in charge, who is following who? Is he my friend, or does he get to be my Lord?

God’s hands are at work, and it’s bringing me to my knees. Exactly where I need to be.

“Not every issue is worth dying for. Choose the struggles that you have a chance of winning or making a difference in….

Choose battles worth fighting. You will differ with others in the choices that you make. Choose the struggle that deserves your energy. Choose a battle that will make a difference ten years from now. Choose the engagement that is God’s priority for you.”

Ben Campbell Johnson Living Before God

I’ve spent the past few weeks thinking about these words, letting them sink in. These words challenged me to consider how I want to spend my money, energy, time and passion. If my choices today affect my future anyway – then I’d like my choices to be wise ones!

What really matters? I keep asking myself of each situation – is this something that will make a difference ten years from now?

God:

Too often I treat God as though He is following me, not the other way around! I want him to bless what I have decided is important to me. Yet when I get a fresh glimpse of who He is, I see again how much I need Him. He is worth fighting for, and He shows me what’s worth fighting for.

Significant Relationships:

Johnson’s words got me thinking about my family, definitely something worth fighting for. It’s too easy to be too busy for the most important people in my life. How am I investing in my marriage, in my children, or my extended family, friends?

A fresh perspective on calling:

These words have given me clarity about calling. Instead of waiting for some divine revelation, perhaps sometimes the fact that it’s important is calling enough. I see my community with new eyes.  What is my response to the pain and poverty that I see around me, particularly amongst children and teenagers? What I am doing about it?

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously-
take God seriously. Micah 6:8 MSG

What are you investing in today that will make a difference 10 years from now?

What are the things in your life that are worth fighting for?

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:47 – 48

I was listening to a talk the other day where we were challenged about how we live with a need for everything in life to be perfect. On surface level, wanting perfection doesn’t seem so bad. Surely it would make life so much easier; maybe it could protect us from life’s wounds and hurts, or just plain ordinariness.

So we look for the perfect man, the perfect career that fulfills and invigorates. The perfect marriage that is issue free! And how about perfect children too?

And it’s not just about others. We want the perfect body, to be the perfect person to make us acceptable. We want the perfect job that is fulfilling, fun and worthwhile.  When it comes to our relationships, we’d like to be the best friend a girl could ever have. The best lover, wife, the best mother. And of course the best Christian.

Nothing wrong with any of that, right? Only that it’s an impossible goal in a broken world.

When Jesus talks of perfection (see the verse above) the word refers not to perfectionism (a cheap imitation if ever there was one), but wholeness and maturity that comes from a life spent walking with God. Wholeness recognizes that we cannot make it on our own, but that we surrender the broken fragments of our lives to him, discovering healing and dependence on the heavenly Father. Maturity recognizes that though our relationships aren’t perfect, they present the perfect opportunity for God’s kingdom to break in. The Message translation of the verse above  says this:

“In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

The irony is that for all our well meaning efforts, perfectionism is a mark of our Immaturity, perhaps even our pride. It relies on our abilities (or on the one we seek perfection from) to make life work! It ignores the vast potential found in our God given identity for wholeness, for freedom and power and kingdom living. Its humbling to realize that we cannot be all we long to be. Its hard to admit someone else can’t meet all our needs. But place that emptiness into the hands of the King, and watch His life begin.

Acts 1:8. But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be my witnesses…

Recently I studied Franciscan Spirituality, starting with the man himself, Saint Francis of Assisi. He was a man out of the box, and his example led to a monastic movement that spanned centuries. He was spontaneous, going with the flow of the Holy Spirit.

Saint Francis and his disciples experienced the Spirit in powerful ways that words can barely contain. Caught in an ecstasy, a trance, the team would be found lying on the ground like dead mean after encountering the Spirit’s power. Saint Francis did not consider these experiences as something higher than his doctrines, but saw that they enhanced his relationship with Jesus. His life was prayer, and he lived welcoming the Holy Spirit’s direction and expected him to show up.

During the break I needed to get out of the classroom and get some air.  Under the glare of the Phoenix sun, I said what my heart had been bursting to say throughout the class.

“I miss you Holy Spirit. I miss you”

Francis of Assisi’s life reminded me of my university days. Days when I woke up and asked God to lead me, and I’d end up at a stranger’s house sharing Jesus. Nights when I prayed without ceasing. When I got lost in the Bible for hours and I wanted to be there. Times when I saw the God’s power in ways that years later, I still don’t get.

There were ample weaknesses too. At times I was something of a whack job, living a fine line between intensity and legalism. Sometimes it was a mask for my drivenness and insecurity. I burned myself a few times as my prophetic words turned out to be wishful thinking. That hurt.

I grew up, matured, perhaps acquired a semblance of respectability. I didn’t change my theology, by any means, but there were different emphases. Maybe I got a little less available.  Then I simply got busy, married, young children, busy, routine type busy. Such a different life. And yet.

I don’t want or need to go back to where I was. But I’m challenged through St. Francis life to love  more passionately, to  be more available to the Holy Spirit in everyday life. I’m looking  forward to seeing what I’m missing.

As a child I loved visiting the library. I felt so grown up and excited when I got my first library card, and I cherished it for years.

Over time the library became my hiding place, my sanctuary. Where I was used to chaos and confusion, the library provided order and calm. I didn’t need to feel afraid in the library; I was safe. I didn’t feel insecure; I was myself there.  Furthermore, the library opened my eyes to a world of opportunities as its books  and music ignited my mind and soul. There was a world bigger and freer than the council estate I lived in. There were things I could learn , careers I could have that nobody else told me about. The library was my first resource to help me on a long journey.

Decades later, I take Zoe to our local library. It’s a place she loves, largely for the puzzles and the tropical fish. This library is not quiet; it’s loud, lively and hectic. No one tries to get people to be quiet, because it’s just not going to happen. There is a food bank inside for people to get supplies they need, and I think it’s the first library I’ve been in which has hardcore security guards who look like they mean business. There are lots of young people. One tenacious looking young woman, sat at  a table piled high with books. She worked hard blocking out the sounds around her. I could tell it was her sanctuary too.

Perhaps I am just random, but being in the library got me a little emotional that day, and made me think of what we need in life to be all God has designed us to be. For the past few weeks I’ve been writing about being made in God’s image, EZERs etc, but how do we get there? How does this become more than words?

Your preference may not be a library, but we all need a sanctuary. We need a place of protection that pushes back the world’s lies, and reminds us who we really are. We need a place where we are fed, spiritually, emotionally, practically. We need the opportunity to learn from God afresh, blocking out life’s distractions. There our hearts and minds can be transformed by His words, our futures redefined as we discover God’s plans for our lives.

Where’s your sanctuary?