All the while different everywoman writers were being drawn into new adventures of their own, new journeys and opportunities. And some we’re not facing anything new, just needed to give more to what was happening in their lives.

And so reluctantly, I had to admit I couldn’t continue Everywoman as it was as a web magazine. My life was too full and it wasn’t working. I needed to retreat, make it simple. Maybe just write my own little blog again, something less ambitious. And my heart, conflicted little thing it is had multiple responses. Disappointment. Frustration. Relief. Dare.I . Say. Excitement.

So that’s what I’m going back to. A little blog.  The everywoman archives will be around in the background, marking a wonderful year in the life of a phenomenal group of women. And the rest will be the reflections of an ordinary woman, on an ordinary blog. With an extraordinary God.

Hope you’ll stick around.

Jo

x

Since landing in the UK three weeks ago, snow has been on the ground constantly.  Whilst pretty, the snow has hampered our ability to move around and the cold has forced us inside. We have been made to stop, to rest, to do nothing.  Some of our plans have been called off.  We have been unable to see friends we had planned to see.

 Yet, I know that this is God’s blessing to us. 

 Seeing the white snow is a constant reminder of the rest forced upon us.  A cold but comforting blanket of protection on our lives.

It made me think: what is happening to the plants and trees faced with freezing temperatures? They have gone dormant.  I discovered that certain plants die above ground and the only growth that happens is below the surface.  The bulb and root systems become hardier, and when the warm weather comes again they grow back faster and the plant is healthier.

 Thinking of Biblical rest I thought of the command in Leviticus 25 to leave fields to fallow every seven years.  Today we know that fields that are left fallow like this, have better soil, natural fertilizers, rebalanced chemical levels and produce healthier crops when made productive again. 

 But lack of productivity is uncomfortable.  It feels lazy and against everything we are taught by our striving western culture. 

But I am choosing to embrace it because I know that this is God preparing me for future fruitfulness.  It is a time where he is strengthening root structures and turning over the soil.  A time he is using to re-balance elements of my life.

Now when I look at the snow, I think of the strengthening that is going on out of sight.  And I thank God that that is happening in my life too.

 Watching the snow and reports of snow from the inside of my cosy home makes leaving an unappealing prospect especially if it means trekking through icy roads to battle on public transport to go to boring work! Unfortunately there is no choice i had to go to work so I kitted myself up and off I went.

Only it wasn’t what I expected – cold? Yes. But also breathtakingly awesomely beautiful.  Spiritual. there was such a stillness and beauty. The creator at work. No photo could capture how concrete streets had been turned to into something magical.

As I walked up my snowy street this morning I reflected on how light and darkness seem to come hand in hand and how often I focus on the dark and thereby miss the light. If I had chosen to miss out on the wintry cold of the outdoors I would have missed the delicate beauty of the snow.

Maybe I’ve just found a way to romanticise potential ankle breakages (!) but I really felt God speaking to me about fear. There is much I can be fearful of – always being alone, never seeing dreams realised, circumstances that are horrible.

But what if as we venture into the things we are afraid of God reveals to us secrets, beauty and knowledge that We would never have encountered if We hadn’t stepped out? What if life is really not about staying in the light but going into darkness bringing light into situations – asking God to use us to bring light. Maybe it all just boils down to trusting in a perfect Father and believing that he works together all things for our good. Maybe that’s a simplistic faith and it certainly does not answer some of the bigger questions of WHY we endure the things we sometimes do but maybe as we perserve, plod, endure and hope we will experience beauty.

Structure is important!  Think of all the routines/structure/boxes that you have going on in your life – whether they are self-appointed or imposed by others.  Some are particularly good and really helpful.  Take the example of a morning routine – shower, breakfast, cleaning teeth, some sort of devotional time.  Or traffic laws, without which there would be absolute chaos!

 Sometimes however, we can get so rigid in our structures and routines that we forget the bigger picture and sometimes the aim of what that structure is there to facilitate.

Last night we hosted a discussion with some of our missional community leaders – all lovely and very capable people.  One couple in particular had got very focussed on their group and how they were trying to make it work.  The over-riding impression we got from listening to them was one of tiredness (why is this not working?) and of frustration (we have all these openings with our non-Christian friends and neighbours but no time to pursue them as we’re too busy trying to make our group work).

Another leader came up with the passage of the wine skins.  Throughout the centuries, the ‘wine’ or the essence of the gospel has not changed.  Society and individual situations, of course have!  Sometimes we need new wine skins.  Let’s be creative, think outside the box and not necessarily be a slave to the structure.  Does the structure serve us and God’s purposes or do we serve the structure?

What is God calling us to do, both individually and as a group?  Can both of those callings work together?  Do the existing structures help or constrain?  Let’s ask God to breathe His life and energy in and through us and what we are doing.  May we and the whole body be used to draw others into an ever deeper relationship with Him in as many ways as possible.  May we not lose sight of our ultimate goals.  Let’s seek to bring God’s Kingdom to those people and situations that He has placed us with/in.  Let’s ask God to reveal to us the best way of doing that.

It was tiring. Very tiring. And I was glad it was nearly over as I could see my house just a few yards away. It took me over an hour to walk the dog this afternoon, mainly because of snow. The grounds were slippery and I was really struggling. But there was just one more thing that didn’t help, not at all. Rain boots. I know they are design to keep you dry and help with walking in the snow, but not these. These were my husband’s rain boots. I wear size 6 and he wears size 12! And I was tired.

And just in those last few tiring steps I was reminded about a simple lesson.

God has designed each one of us in a specific way. He has placed each one strategically “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14MSG), in a precise place giving us particular roles to fulfil His purpose.  In Romans 12 Paul talks about the Church being one body with many parts being the members. He talks not only about the different gifting and roles we have all been given. He also recognises the need to say: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you” (v.3).

 I know there have been times in my life were I looked at others, who had more experience, more involvement and more recognition in the life of the Church, with a slight jealousy in my heart. I thought that, if only I prayed more, gave more time and effort in my church, perhaps I would be that little bit more valued. And, of course, the Lord gives us times to learn important lessons. That it isn’t about being ‘valued’ because our significance lies in Him. And I’ve learned to get on with what I’ve been entrusted with, for this time now, without complaining and striving. But I know I’m far from perfect.

I will not be wearing my husband’s rain boots. They are his boots. They are his size. They fit him. They have been made to fit bigger feet than mine. And those rain boots fit his feet perfect.  Just like someone else’s ministry fits them perfect. And plus, walking in something that’s far too big for me is SO exhausting!  I’m not even going to try again.

I’m not your Superwoman, I’m not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is OK, Boy I am only human….

Well I’ve found myself singing those words to myself recently!  

Still somehow  our culture and our own human weakness seems to  embrace the ideal of Superwoman, the woman who can conquer every part of life, amazing marriage, beautiful home, smiling kids, a great career and a flawless figure. Make her a Christian too and she knows the Bible inside out…

In this era when women can allegedly “have it all”, when is it all too much to have?  Is opportunity ever a bad thing, or does it just has to be taken simply because it’s there?  Like you I wear a lot of hats – there are the relationships I play, there is the job I have and then there’s the stuff that I either want to do or just needs to get done. There’s so much to do, think about sort out, it’s easy to go through the week in a state of perpetual anxiety; no rest, no fun, and definitely no space for God.

Until I feel it, sense it. Not merely being out of my depth, but somehow out of sync with life God and reality. Our Creator’s designed us for life to the full, not life that’s too full. He shaped us for communion with Him and community with other people, for relationships and responsibilities. And when I violate that rhythm it eventually begins to show in my attitudes, in how I spend my time, in my temperament, perhaps even in my dreams! In trying to be it all, yes my priorities got blurred, my energy sources depleted. Superwoman comes at a cost, one I’ve realized I am not prepared to pay. I don’t want to live to prove myself as success, when the gauge for success is broken and unrealistic. I don’t want find affirmation and security in what I can achieve, somehow feeling more worthy and acceptable that way. I don’t want to come to God and present how well I’m doing, I’d rather come to him for empowering and instruction. So I am admitting I am only human, and that something needs to give and some things probably need to change

How about you – Superwoman? Or Only Human?

Whilst lots of things come up, my review is broken into 3 main parts. In my years at St. Thomas, we used the Lifeshapes discipleship tools, one of which was called the TRIANGLE. The triangle explores the 3 priorities we see in Jesus life – Up, a relationship with the father, in – relationships with his covenant community, other believers, and an OUT relationship to the world around him. So adapting what I learned, my review was broken down into the following

How am I doing spiritually? It covers prayer, bible study, spiritual battles and deserts and breakthroughs. Am I secure in my relationship with God as my Father, am I surrendered to God as my Lord and King?

 How am I doing relationally? This area looked at how my friendships were doing, relationships with guys, and my single years. Now it focuses on my marriage, and kids and friendships. But as I attend to this area, it would highlight attitudes and insecurities, frustrations, how I dealt with conflicts, as well as how God had met me through the people in my life

How am I doing physically? This area worked twofold: on one level it looked at some of the practical areas of my life, money, health, work, etc. How well was I engaging with life in the real world as it were? But then it  also explored calling, and witness and social action. Had I shared Jesus with anyone, who was I seeing come to faith? How active were my relationships with non Christians? How am I engaging with the Lord’s call on my life? How am I responding to the pressing issues and needs of the world around me?

So that’s how I review the year. How do you take stock of what is happening in your life?

(for more info on LifeShapes – check out www.3dministries.com)

Betty is a strong attractive woman, with lots going for her. But some of the nagging insecurities that get to every woman  have gotten to her in such a way that she doesn’t believe that someone will fall for her, that it will ever be “her turn”. She hides behind all sorts of things, work, humor, serving others…but finds herself spending  far more time of the sidelines of love than she would like.

It’s not that she isn’t popular; she has lots of guy friends. In fact she often has very close friendships with some guys.  Maybe one guy. They pour out their heart to her, cry with her, pray with her, trust in her, and hang out for days with her. But they go out with her…friends. Or frenemies! She’s affectionately called a sister, or even a mum, but not “my girlfriend”. She’s the backup plan; she’s the one who’s there until some other one appears. And before we blame guys for this and get all man hater about it, make no mistake; there are just as many back up Brad, Brian and Billy’s (Haven’t we ever had those men in our lives who we were quite content to leave close enough to affirm us, but far away enough so we are still available for the men we really want to go out with?).

So what’s going on? Well Betty (or Brian) can blame the opposite sex for their unscrupulous behavior, and they may even have a point. Still,  should some of the responsibility lie with Betty herself?  Betty’s in love and won’t admit it; she likes the fact that people ask what is going on with her friend, because it’s better somehow. She’s felt in the shadows for so long, it’s nice someone is even thinking of her in that way, even if it’s not the guy himself. A totally legitimate need is met, at least partially. And the time she invests, the emotional connection, the deep conversations, the everything, feels so affirming (when it doesn’t feel so lonely), and it stems the loneliness for awhile. It’s better to be the backup for awhile, right? Right?

There’s only one problem; it’s not real. It’s real in the sense that it’s happening, but not real in the sense of really going anywhere. And somehow we spiritualize not confronting it, asking about it – because “the best thing is to wait” “surely it’s the guy’s job to bring it up, it’s not right for a woman to lead the relationship” – when actually – we – I mean Betty – fears the rejection of the answer we suspect we’d receive. If we invest more – maybe he’ll finally see what the relationship should be going, and finally commit to me as much as I’m committing to him.

Where does it all end for Betty? When he finds someone else, Betty is left broken and hurting, but since it was not official anyway, she’s got no reason to be so hurt. So it’s all internalized, and feels so unfair, but she just has to get over it.
What does that do to her hope, her confidence, her sense of self worth, her relationship with God? On the surface things seem OK. Inside – it’s disappointing, heavy on the heart. She might cynical about relationships, bitter about men, even though she longs to settle down. Sometimes Betty is so disillusioned that her relationship with God is strained too….

I once knew a young woman called Betty Back Up, a gorgeous woman who stood in the shadows of almost relationships, afraid to walk into the unknown with the Father, just in case He let her down. Have you ever met someone like her?

For example, the day I told my fellow teachers I was expecting my first. One of my colleagues piped up, “I knew you had gained weight.” For the record I had actually lost weight at first, and then only gained 1 lb my first trimester…thank you.

It is almost as if pregnant women have the capacity to eliminate all tact and common sense to all passersby. Like one quick glance at the belly zaps it out in an instance.

When I was 5 months pregnant and just beginning to fit into maternity clothes another unbelievable comment was made. I was standing in line at my father’s visitation…yes it happened here. A man coming through the line hugged me, gave his condolences, then proceeded to look at my baby bump and say, “Any day now, huh?” What?!?!

Well I was in too shocked and exhausted to respond with something I’d have regretted. My husband assured me that I did not look 9 months pregnant.

So if you’ve experienced similar situations, I feel your pain. They are just one of the many memories you will hang on to, and hopefully laugh about, for years to come.

I have two preschoolers and knew I had to approach this year differently. And for some reason, I wanted to. The girls had begun to change me; how could I be so cold in the face of such innocent excitement? In spite of myself I began to feel excited, I began to feel optimistic and hopeful. Though, in all honesty, I wasn’t sure why. I adopted a Christmas radio station – Christmas Songs 24/7, uncertain of whether it might send me crazy. It did quite the opposite. My first thought was that a Christmas song and its royalties = the best pension scheme ever, and if every my kids want to be songwriters I’m going to encourage them in this direction. Hey I might try a few lyrics myself.

But my second thought, my third, my fourth, well…

My thoughts were flooded with memories. The Little Drummer Boy, took me back to being four years old, and thinking that a child like me could think about Big Things like Jesus seriously ( I know that’s a little intense for a four year old, but what can I say). Then Last Christmas, reminded me of when I first fell in love. Not some teenage first flutter, but the overwhelming love at first sight that happened to me when I first saw George Michael on Top of the Pops singing Young Guns.  I was 8 and I knew I would never be the same. It took years to recover. I was 22 when I finally let George go. Fact.

Then there’s Band Aid’s Do They Know it’s Christmas – the original version. I love hearing that song. Even though I get pretty harsh on generalizations on Africa normally, all is forgiven on this song. Firstly because it’s a great song, that I remember feeling proud to buy. Secondly it gave us a bit of a conscience, it reminded us to care. Thirdly and yes the last shall be first I guess because George Michael was there.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – bring up different kinds of memories. That song is so poignant. Its then I remember the people I’ve lost, even though it wasn’t at Christmastime, the grief comes in a different more potent way. I’m reminded of friends for whom the Christmas season was marked by life changing tragedies. I feel the weariness of a long year when I hear that song. And often I feel the weariness of the long years, the past. The feeling that the promise and excitement fell short somehow. And I knew that feeling, that disappointment, that loss lay behind everything I’d felt about Christmas through the years.

What surprised me most though, was the realization that that was how I used to feel, how is used to be. I don’t feel that anymore. Redemption came in two preschool faces with giddy smiles. There are new traditions, new memories. It’s a whole new day with a whole new life; so new that the past became irrelevant, even forgettable. So yes I LOVE Christmas. I love the tacky decorations because they horrify me whilst they make me kids laugh. I love Santa movies because they are utterly saccharine, but I don’t care. I can even embrace the grief, because though I have lost, I have lived and loved and people are worth remembering. And the thing I love most with my wonderful family, we even have our song.