Jo Saxton

Archive for the ‘Featured’ Category

Well there’s the long story and the short story. And I guess there is somewhere in between.  I guess the Not Your Superwoman post was kind of prophetic. Well I was speaking to me anyway. When Everywoman began, I wasn’t working , and I was looking for an outlet for some of the things I felt the Lord had laid on my heart. And then  the year kind of ran away with me. Life with its twists and turns, raising a young family, a husband with a both challenging and inspiring job, a book to write. And then, a job  of my own which I love. Its unfolding opportunities to invest and disciple leaders, men and women in a way that I’d only imagined. Yet this new directions has demands of its own that I need to attend to. We’ve moved state, leaving Arizona, for the coastal climes of Southern California, and we’re embarking on a brand new life. Its wonderful, exciting , consuming.

All the while different everywoman writers were being drawn into new adventures of their own, new journeys and opportunities. And some we’re not facing anything new, just needed to give more to what was happening in their lives.

And so reluctantly, I had to admit I couldn’t continue Everywoman as it was as a web magazine. My life was too full and it wasn’t working. I needed to retreat, make it simple. Maybe just write my own little blog again, something less ambitious. And my heart, conflicted little thing it is had multiple responses. Disappointment. Frustration. Relief. Dare.I . Say. Excitement.

So that’s what I’m going back to. A little blog.  The everywoman archives will be around in the background, marking a wonderful year in the life of a phenomenal group of women. And the rest will be the reflections of an ordinary woman, on an ordinary blog. With an extraordinary God.

Hope you’ll stick around.

Jo

x

One of my favorite singers in my teens was a soul singer called Karyn White. She sang this classic ballad about a man she gave her all to, whom took her for granted. In the chorus she finally takes her stand…

I’m not your Superwoman, I’m not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is OK, Boy I am only human….

Well I’ve found myself singing those words to myself recently!  

Still somehow  our culture and our own human weakness seems to  embrace the ideal of Superwoman, the woman who can conquer every part of life, amazing marriage, beautiful home, smiling kids, a great career and a flawless figure. Make her a Christian too and she knows the Bible inside out…

In this era when women can allegedly “have it all”, when is it all too much to have?  Is opportunity ever a bad thing, or does it just has to be taken simply because it’s there?  Like you I wear a lot of hats – there are the relationships I play, there is the job I have and then there’s the stuff that I either want to do or just needs to get done. There’s so much to do, think about sort out, it’s easy to go through the week in a state of perpetual anxiety; no rest, no fun, and definitely no space for God.

Until I feel it, sense it. Not merely being out of my depth, but somehow out of sync with life God and reality. Our Creator’s designed us for life to the full, not life that’s too full. He shaped us for communion with Him and community with other people, for relationships and responsibilities. And when I violate that rhythm it eventually begins to show in my attitudes, in how I spend my time, in my temperament, perhaps even in my dreams! In trying to be it all, yes my priorities got blurred, my energy sources depleted. Superwoman comes at a cost, one I’ve realized I am not prepared to pay. I don’t want to live to prove myself as success, when the gauge for success is broken and unrealistic. I don’t want find affirmation and security in what I can achieve, somehow feeling more worthy and acceptable that way. I don’t want to come to God and present how well I’m doing, I’d rather come to him for empowering and instruction. So I am admitting I am only human, and that something needs to give and some things probably need to change

How about you – Superwoman? Or Only Human?

Over the years my feelings towards Christmas have ranged from frustration, to outright hostility to ambivalence. Obviously, it wasn’t the reason for Christmas that posed the problem. It was everything else, I guessed, I thought. The rampant commercialism and all that.

I have two preschoolers and knew I had to approach this year differently. And for some reason, I wanted to. The girls had begun to change me; how could I be so cold in the face of such innocent excitement? In spite of myself I began to feel excited, I began to feel optimistic and hopeful. Though, in all honesty, I wasn’t sure why. I adopted a Christmas radio station – Christmas Songs 24/7, uncertain of whether it might send me crazy. It did quite the opposite. My first thought was that a Christmas song and its royalties = the best pension scheme ever, and if every my kids want to be songwriters I’m going to encourage them in this direction. Hey I might try a few lyrics myself.

But my second thought, my third, my fourth, well…

My thoughts were flooded with memories. The Little Drummer Boy, took me back to being four years old, and thinking that a child like me could think about Big Things like Jesus seriously ( I know that’s a little intense for a four year old, but what can I say). Then Last Christmas, reminded me of when I first fell in love. Not some teenage first flutter, but the overwhelming love at first sight that happened to me when I first saw George Michael on Top of the Pops singing Young Guns.  I was 8 and I knew I would never be the same. It took years to recover. I was 22 when I finally let George go. Fact.

Then there’s Band Aid’s Do They Know it’s Christmas – the original version. I love hearing that song. Even though I get pretty harsh on generalizations on Africa normally, all is forgiven on this song. Firstly because it’s a great song, that I remember feeling proud to buy. Secondly it gave us a bit of a conscience, it reminded us to care. Thirdly and yes the last shall be first I guess because George Michael was there.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – bring up different kinds of memories. That song is so poignant. Its then I remember the people I’ve lost, even though it wasn’t at Christmastime, the grief comes in a different more potent way. I’m reminded of friends for whom the Christmas season was marked by life changing tragedies. I feel the weariness of a long year when I hear that song. And often I feel the weariness of the long years, the past. The feeling that the promise and excitement fell short somehow. And I knew that feeling, that disappointment, that loss lay behind everything I’d felt about Christmas through the years.

What surprised me most though, was the realization that that was how I used to feel, how is used to be. I don’t feel that anymore. Redemption came in two preschool faces with giddy smiles. There are new traditions, new memories. It’s a whole new day with a whole new life; so new that the past became irrelevant, even forgettable. So yes I LOVE Christmas. I love the tacky decorations because they horrify me whilst they make me kids laugh. I love Santa movies because they are utterly saccharine, but I don’t care. I can even embrace the grief, because though I have lost, I have lived and loved and people are worth remembering. And the thing I love most with my wonderful family, we even have our song.

I am not into the Princess thing, but I have two preschool daughters so I am hardly going to avoid it. I’m just accepting it as a phase that too will pass. But it was a no brainer that I was taking them to see the Princess and the Frog.

I’d heard a few negatives about it actually. Why did the first African American Princess have to be the one turned into a Frog? Was the Prince not African American for a reason? How could it be set in New Orleans forgetting Katrina and all the racial politics within? Does it just play into old stereotypes and ignore reality?

It’s always difficult being the first, the one breaking new ground. The weight of expectations and longing, of righting perceived or real wrongs, the pressure to be definitive, to heal to communicate to represent can be immense. So much so that we can forget that its very presence IS a breakthrough, IS a success. We forget the transformative power found in simply by what we see.

So what did I see? I liked the New Orleans of the movie. Alongside the more nostalgic style of animation was a New Orleans of old; vibrant with music and hospitality, whilst still revealing the racial inequities of its time. I saw a young black woman who was vibrant, hard working, sacrificial and ambitious- but who chose integrity and character even at the expense of her worthy personal dreams. She did fall in love with a Prince  (this is still Disney folks, not social commentary) but did so whilst he was a frog. It’s a good story. My personal negative: the Shadowman bugged me; I get bored of the spiritual component of some of the Disney villains, and I’m not convinced it’s necessary. And perhaps an opportunity was missed with Prince from a place that didn’t exist, or was the interracial relationship even more groundbreaking? Discuss.

I liked what my daughters saw.  The bad guy lost. The good girl won. Good choices, good character won. And Tiana was the ebony skinned star of the story. They don’t need a cartoon character to be a role model, their parents are ready for that job. But I love that as they grow up they see increasing amounts of diversity; in politics, in the Supreme Court, in commercials, and on the silver screen. Different won’t be so exotic or “other”; they’ll see themselves everywhere, and that matters.

Don’t underestimate the affirming power of simply what you can see.

Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it “Ebenezer” (Rock of Help), saying, “This marks the place where God helped us.” 1 Samuel 7:12

The day is done. Thanksgiving is over.  We’ve had a day to look around the table and be grateful for what we have, to celebrate the goodness in our lives, to thank God.  But as the day wore on, Black Friday and its promise of mega bargains in the early hours of the morning moves us on. Before we know it we’re thinking of Christmas gifts and budgets and decorations and stuff and life all over again. Some shops even broke into the day itself, opening at 10pm Thanksgiving night with the promise of bargains worth leaving your pumpkin pie for.  Perhaps it’s a bizarre thought, but we need something more permanent than one holiday and an amazing meal to be thankful.

Samuel found a way to make something permanent out of a thankful moment. They understood the human condition; that it’s so much easier to remember and feel those bad times than the good. So he made an Ebenezer. It was a solid way (literally) to remember God, a physical point of reference. Whenever they looked at the rock, they were reminded of God’s goodness and greatness.

A huge rock may not exactly work for us today, but it’s great to find tangible ways to remember who God is, what he has done.  Not just the general things, but more pertinently the way God’s goodness and greatness has weaved its ways through the story of our lives. We need those reminders for the tough days, the mundane times, when temptations tantalize with a strangely rational appeal.

In our family we have an Ebenezer wall – where we gather the testimonies of each year with God. When life is challenging, I’ll be found there, poring over the photographs and cards that will tell me the God who stood with me then, stands with me now. In the good times when I pass by the wall – I’m reminded of whom to thank, and I’m humbled again. Our Ebenezer helps us to develop a thankful life.

How do you mark the place where God has helped you?

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’m come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood

(Robert Robinson 1757)

Last night we sat down to watch Revolutionary road. It’s a film set in 1950’s America’s , where a young couple  Frank and April Wheeler( played magnificently by Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet)  with full of high hopes and expectations  for their lives slowly, let eventually come undone, with  ultimately devastating consequences. 

Frank and April dreamed of being something and being “somebodies”. They felt and wanted to be different from everyone else. Yet as time went by, and life happened to them, they learned that they were, like everyone else, simply human and ordinary.  Frank might have been a dreamer once, but in the end he really was a corporate man like his father, and he didn’t want another adventure. April, who once planned to be an actress, but didn’t succeed, wrestled with the bubbling passion for more in her life, juxtaposed with the grinding sense of ambivalence and failure as mother. And the world she lived in seemed to suffocate her and deny her the world she longed for. The revelation broke them into a million pieces. Arguments ended up in relational cul de sacs, responsibilities bred resentment, and disappointments led to desperate selfish acts of infidelity, as if they were narcotics to numb the pain of seemingly futile lives.  April ultimate desperate act was to attempt to abort the unborn child that seemed to stand in the way of her dreams and their shared future, and the attempt cost her her life.

To me it was more than a great film, with some of my favorite actors. Even though it was set in a different era, there was something timeless about it’s explorations of life and relationships which I found made it staggeringly relevant in today’s culture.  It wasn’t just the revelation that not everyone’s dreams are fulfilled. Even in this age of American Idol, and lottery tickets to a new life, somewhere in us we still know that we can’t always get to do what we want. What got me in this film was this couple had to reckon with the fact that they weren’t who they thought they were or who they hoped each other would be, and they couldn’t find a way to deal with the textured, complexity of ordinary life. And extraordinary dream is one thing; you can shape and control your hopes and expectations, your relationships and responsibilities.

But ordinary life? Who has the emotional capacity, the mental rigor the physical energy for that? Who knows how to handle life? If we did we probably wouldn’t have half the Supernanny, What not to wear, how clean is your house type shows that disciple us on how to live, would we?  Perhaps we are rudderless, visionless, after all – we didn’t learn this kind of stuff in school or college. That was about what you were going to be when you grew up. Now we’re here we have to work out how to be grown up whatever our landscape looks like. We all need signposts to that road

There’s much more to say and to think on this. In another post, I guess.

“Don’t you realise that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize?  So run to win!  All athletes are disciplined in their training.  They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-25

So I guess this is one of the more famous passages in the Bible about the Christian life.  One that is quoted often, usually in relation to discipline and it’s certainly helpful in that way. But I’ve been thinking about it a bit with a different slant.  My question has been ‘What is the race? What is the prize?’

I’ve concluded, for now, that it’s not a race to be the best Christian possible, it’s not a race to be the most ‘holy’, the most disciplined, to have the biggest ministry. Rather it’s a race to lay your life down for the sake of the Kingdom.  It’s one of those upside-down Kingdom things.  We’re not racing to be first but to be last (“But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then“ Matt 19:30).  We run and discipline ourselves for the benefit of others, for the glory of the King and for people who don’t know God, for those who need Him and need us to play our part.

I think perhaps most fundamentally of all it’s a race to develop deep relationship with our heavenly Father.  Deep, in that it penetrates our whole lives and consequently gives birth to an abundance of Kingdom life.  Deep, because it goes beyond the surface, beyond the immediate issues or situations we face, and grows into a deep, lasting, immovable peace and joy, fuelled by the love of the Father.  The sort of relationship which sustains you in the face of grief, stress, uncertainty, hardship.

So, why are you running?  What is the prize set before you?  Run to win!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28–30

This is one of those well worn passages that speaks again and again.

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest… who doesn’t identify with that diagnosis of the state of their lives sometimes? Wearied and burdened, by stresses, responsibilities, relationships.  Who doesn’t want a break sometimes? Jesus offer of rest speaks deeply to our souls. And it would be easy to end there, knowing that whenever we are overwhelmed, he gives us a way out.

But he offers us more, so much more than that.

Take my yoke upon you…

His rest does not mean life is void of responsibility.  We still have responsibilities and relationships that we’re invested, committed, yoked to. Only this time, they are the ones Jesus has called us to and with that given us the grace for. So it’s not a responsibility we’ve acquired because we’re unable to say no; nor is it a relationship we’re investing in out of people pleasing or co-dependence. His rest is a yoke that is easy. Not easy in the way we understand easy today (if we think that then we expect our God given relationships and responsibilities to be problem free – that is not what the text says!).  Here easy means custom made, well fitting – a yoke placed on us by Jesus himself. It’s interesting that there’s still a burden too, but a light one that can be carried.

Take my yoke upon you…

There’s an offer but we need to embrace it. We can’t take on His yoke whilst clinging to our own. We’ll need to let go first…

And learn from me…

This is what struck me the most this time around.  Jesus offers me more than a break and some “me time’.  He invites me into a new way to live. And I don’t even have to get it because it’s not something I achieve; instead I learn as I walk through life with him.

Everybody get’s overwhelmed at some point. All of us wish there was a map, a book, that helped us navigate dating, work, marriage, parenting. What I’m discovering as I explore this verse again, is no, I don’t have a blueprint for life. But I have One who gave me relationships and responsibilities, a yoke that fits and a burden that is light. And I have an invitation to walk with Him and learn how to do life in all its complexity, His Way.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvellously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!

Psalm139:14 MSG

This weekend’s Guardian newspaper (UK) featured an article about some models, who were healthy and glowing. Yet what struck me most was the understanding in the fashion world that UK size 12 and 14 (US 8 – 10) is now considered PLUS SIZE. The US Edition of Glamour magazine featured a model named Lizzie Miller a few months back, looking relaxed and happy. The picture created a media storm not because Lizzie was naked, but because this 5ft 11, size 12 14 US (16- 18 UK) somehow considered too large for plus size modelling had a little tummy roll. The media storm was a positive one, broadening the definition of beauty, reminding us about how out of whack our collective body image has become.

The PLUS size idea has always bugged me. “PLUS” suggests unusual when in reality these sizes have reflected the size of the average woman; plus suggests anything other than NORMAL. And now it’s just beyond bizarre. A friend of mine once reflected that back in her day after you had children, a woman’s body was expected to change, all they suggested were kegel exercises. Today she said “young mums are expected to look like they’ve never had children, like they’re supermodels”. The idolization of youth in today’s Western world means it never stops. 40’s the new 20. 50’s the new 30.  No pressure then.

So where do we stand as the world suggests we get thinner and thinner to be “normal”? Are we able to critique, to resist, the messages our culture communicates? The verses from Psalm 139 speak of the kind of perspective the Bible encourages us to have about our bodies. Yet embracing God’s word is often a fierce battle in a culture that presents underweight bodies, airbrushed images and botoxed faces as something to aspire to. And then there are the internal pressures – the tapes playing in our heads that still tell us, compel us to want the “perfect” body. However, what the voice neglects to tell you is that perfect is getting smaller and is starting to resemble a pre pubescent boy.

I try to be healthy and fit. But there’s also some tummy fat, left over from having children that seems to love my company. Dimpled thighs, grey hair … am I still marvellously made?

I believe this is a must win battle for us Christian women. We need to know who we are, and know we’re OK.  Life’s too short to live regretfully in front of a full size mirror. Is it time to slay the idol of youthful looks, and allow our bodies to simply change and mature? Then, maybe begin to allow the Lord to tell us his definition of NORMAL when it comes a woman’s shape and size. And since we’re salt and light in this world, let’s tell the truth to the  women  around us too, that  body and soul, we’re marvellously made.

“While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean” (Luke 5:12 TNIV).

 This man’s condition completely defined his life. He was socially alienated, isolated and vulnerable, and unwell. All that was left was to reach out to Jesus; there is no one else, no other hope, it’s desperate. He brings a simple, almost - request, more a statement really – Lord if you are willing… you can make me clean. He knows what Jesus can do, that He has the authority and power to change his life forever.

Yet for some reason, he’s not confident He will. Perhaps it’s the years of isolation, the rejection. He’s just used to people not wanting to know. Maybe it’s a prayer he’s cried out for years, and nothing happened. Whatever the reason, though he’s confident of Jesus’ power, he’s not confident that Jesus wants reach to him. So the man’s words remain an almost request, a statement latent with longing.

 My heart so identifies with this verse so often at the moment! When the pressure is on and circumstances stubbornly refuse to change, when I’m longing for a breakthrough, I wonder if the Lord, notices…me. I know you can God. I know you provide, heal, restore, and deliver. I’ve seen you do that countless times for others. But do you want to do that for me? Can I ask you to do that, only for …me?

As I think about it, I remember that challenging times test not only my confidence in His power, but also in His love. I know He is Lord and King, but He is also  my Heavenly Father. It something I have to remind myself  of, no matter how  tough itis to reconcile with my circumstances.

I wonder where you are desperate, on your knees. Does disappointment suggest to your heart and mind that your Heavenly Father doesn’t see you anymore, that he has forgotten you now? You know He’s able, but is He willing?

 Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him.(Luke 5:13 TNIV)

I love that Jesus touched him, spoke to him, and healed him.

When I read of His touch it reminds me that He is not distant, that he reaches out to us and reaches into our world, even when it’s not whole. His words, remind me that he is compassionate, and that His words can give us life in tough times and remind us that we are loved. His healing reminds me that though the battles are intense, and my prayers aren’t  always answered immediately, Jesus is still the God of the breakthrough. What do you need to be reminded of today? His touch? His words? Or His healing?

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honour at God’s right hand.  Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.  For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.  And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory” Colossians 3:1-4

Where is your focus?  As you go through life what is it that defines the way you see the world?  Colossians talks about setting our sights on the realities of heaven.  Often I forget this and get consumed and distracted by the realities of earth.  It’s so easy to do isn’t it?  The things right in front of us that need doing or attending to – the relationships, the work, the tasks, the just-getting-by.

But when our life becomes defined more by earthly things than by what God says we might begin to struggle.  The magazine that tells us we should be thinner vs. God saying we’re beautiful; the boss who demands greater achievement vs. God who says we don’t need to achieve anything to be acceptable to and loved by Him; the culture which says we need to consume and own things in order to fit in vs. God who says that real life is not measured by how much we own (Luke 12:15).

Setting our sights on the realities of heaven requires hope and faith – and we often feel it’s risky because heavenly realities are unseen.  But the more you get to know the nature of our Father and his character, the more that risk is easier to take and the easier it becomes to see things from God’s point of view.

Today let God show you where you’ve become more defined by an earthly reality rather than a heavenly one.  Agree with Him now to set your sights on the realities of heaven and to seek out what that means in your reality.

In recent weeks I’ve been inspired/challenged/convicted/whatever to do a “life laundry” and get rid of the clutter in our home.  There are toys the girls no longer play with, clothes we don’t wear, paper that simply needs recycling and things we have no use of anymore that we need to say goodbye to. It’s an unexpectedly intense process. Old toys brought back memories of previous era that I was reluctance to say goodbye to. Clothes of a previous clothes size! And then there is just the stuff.  Stuff that represented my life. On the surface it’s pretty meaningless, but it’s mine and it’s hard to let go. However there’s no room to keep it all. Nor is there any need. It just clutters up the house.

It wasn’t long before I saw the parallels with my own spiritual life. On one level, this life laundry is integral to it because the process is bringing things to the surface that I have to resolve

But it also makes me think of the rooms of my life, my heart. It makes me reflect on how much room there is for Jesus, and how much it’s clogged up with stuff, just stuff. I’m too busy, too tired, too frustrated. I’m hurting, in my anger I got  bitter, I’ve got self centered or greedy. Without even realizing, the doors to the rooms in my heart can barely open. All I can offer are the rooms I keep neat and tidy in order distract him from the rooms I don’t want him to see. He wants the freedom to move around the home of my heart freely; can I let him in? Sometimes I’m too scared or ashamed. But sometimes, there is room. There is space and he sweeps through the room with light and life, making the room fresh and brand new. Just like he did a few weeks back with reconciliation. Just like he’s done with answered prayers.  And I wonder how I’ve allowed myself to miss out on all that his freedom can bring.

In the meantime, my life laundry continues one piece of clutter at a time. But with the hope and the intention that one day, eventually, my home will look and feel brand new, and there will be room to live.

It seems that Jesus wants the same for my life and heart, one room at a time. Fresh, brand new, room to live.

Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them.

2 Corinthians 5:17 – 19 (MSG)

In recent weeks, I’ve experienced something of a move of God’s Spirit in the whole area of relationships. There were no big stories, not big issues as such; but situations that had left a mark, a bruise. And quietly, almost imperceptibly, I’d made internal decisions to relate differently, to protect myself in some way. And life went on.

Until recently, when I spoke to a friend I’d not connected with for nearly 20 years. We reflected on old times, old stories, but with a new understanding, a greater perspective. And we asked each other’s forgiveness for who we’d been. I didn’t expect it to be so healing, but it was. God came. Not just to our broken history, but also to the ways that chapters of history had shaped who I’d become. He came and I saw where I’d settled for less than all that God offered. I’d settled for being a little more jaded, more distant. I’d settled for my own definitions and expectations of relationship and friendship. God came and I saw my responsibility in my choices, and attitudes and … everything really.  

When the Spirit of God is on the move, He reveals who I am. There’s something about His tenderness, His holiness that makes it difficult to hide. Still, there’s more it than that. This time I’ve been reminded that His very presence makes the impossible possible. God can wipe the slate clean and redeem the past. God can rebuild the most shattered relationships, even if there seems no way back. Not only does he heal; he reconciles.  He is able to do more than we could ever ask or imagine through his power at work in our lives (Ephesians 3:20).

Is there anyone that you need  to be reconciledwith ?

It’s been a crazy summer with lots of great times, but also lots of challenges.

How do you navigate your way through the mad times? This summer has been one of those times! There have been fearful moments – the health scare, sitting in a doctor’s office wondering if a diagnosis was about to rock my world.  Then the moment a few days later when I discovered, no I’m fine, it’s fine.  And I realized how out of my control life is sometimes.  There have been wonderful opportunities, gifts   - things I couldn’t have wished for, because I can’t control even the things I desire. There have been struggles and disappointments too, hard stuff, when life presents those uncontrollable dilemmas.  Through it all I see the threads of battle and brokenness and blessing, that inevitable combination that I realize is an integral part of walking with God. So how do you respond?

I know how at times I’d like to respond. I know how sometimes I’m compelled to respond when I’m forced to face deep seated wounds and fears. And then I think of how God wants me to respond.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6: 13

This verse has so many incredible insights but it’s the very end of the sentence that has been on my mind: and after you have done everything, to stand.

When the prayers are prayed, the Scriptures are spoken, and the songs are sung, what then? When you have done everything you know, what does it mean to stand?

I wonder if it means different things at different times, depending on the battle. There are times when to stand has meant to speak up, other times it’s required silence.  This time I have the image of a marathon runner, just putting one foot in front of the other. Level and steady, no flash displays of athleticism, just doing what they’ve always known to do. They breathe properly and keep running.

And so that’s where I find myself right now. Just doing what I know to do; to pray, read the Bible, to worship, be in community, spread the gospel. I’ve no magnificent surge of faith or revelation.  When I’m bored, it’s one foot in front of the other. Overwhelmed or overjoyed, its one foot in front of the other.  Through the tears, its one foot in front of the other. I’m on His path, so I breathe in deeply, and I keep running

“If we have not achieved our early dreams, we must either find new ones or see what we can salvage from the old. If we have accomplished what we set out to do in our youth, then we need not weep like Alexander the Great that we have no more worlds to conquer. There is clearly much left to be done and whatever else we are going to do, we had better get on with it.” Rosalyn Carter.

Last week, we looked at unfulfilled dreams, but the second part of Carter’s comments present a different kind of challenge. What happens when our dreams come true? What happens after ‘happily ever after’? And taking the idea out of fairytales and into our spiritual journey, what happens when your prayers are answered and God gives you the desires of your heart?

Some of us can articulate exactly what that prayer, that life longing, was. We prayed for a husband, or children, or a home. We prayed for healing, or freedom, or for a mighty breakthrough in some part of a wounded heart. For some it was career success, or a ministry opportunity.  And He answered with a resounding YES. Since that day, that time, we’ve been thankful and grateful and revelled in the blessing, we dived into our answered prayer, enjoying every moment.  Yet some of us, if we dare, admit we’ve also got a little bored, wondering why the thing we’d longed for for so long doesn’t satisfy us anymore. Others simply ask, what happens now?

It’s at this point we realise that an answered prayer was never the ultimate goal, it was only the beginning. There is life with God beyond the answer. So now that you’re married, what is God saying to you about your marriage? Now you have those much longed for children, what does He say about raising them? Now the prayers have fallen into place – what does He say now? Has it built our faith and strengthened us on our journey? Or have we revelled in the gifts we’ve been given so much that we’ve forgotten to reconnect with the Giver?

What I love about this quote is the salutary reminder that, wonderful though it is, there is more to life than our personal dreams coming true. It reminded me that thankful though I am, there is more to life than getting the life that I always wanted. There is still a Great Commission, there is still a broken world of hurt, there is a role to play.

We could continue to dream, but perhaps the thing to do is live. So if your prayers have been answered, celebrate! And with the strength and faith that has built up through that answered prayer, with the confidence in God that has grown because of his goodness in your life, pursue Him again. And listen out for what He wants for your life on the next stage of the Great God Adventure.

After the dream has gone.

Rosalyn Carter (wife of President Jimmy Carter) wrote: “If we have not achieved our early dreams, we must either find new ones or see what we can salvage from the old. If we have accomplished what we set out to do in our youth, then we need not weep like Alexander the Great that we have no more worlds to conquer. There is clearly much left to be done and whatever else we are going to do, we had better get on with it.”

I found this quote incredibly profound, and have been reflecting upon it for the past 24 hours or so. It addresses the question of what you do after the dream has gone. Is there life after disappointment? Is there life after fulfillment?

What happens when life doesn’t go the way you hoped? With the relationship that didn’t work out, the career that didn’t materialize, the child that never came? I’ve often had a one track mind with destiny; I knew what I was going for, felt called to and that was it. Life teaches me that my journey is far more textured than that.  It requires more flexibility to go with the twists and turns that inevitably come my way. I have to admit, that’s not a natural thing for me. Some of that is just my personality. Some of it is that sometimes, if I feel God’s in something, my dreams become my plans, my ideas become my rights.  He’s my God, so why is this happening to me? And I have to remind myself that a relationship with God is not a slot machine where you pop a prayer to get the desired outcome. He’s not my Horoscope in the back of a magazine where I am told what is meant to be and all I have to do is sit and let it happen. Life, people, me – we’re all way more messy than that.

So what do we do after the dream has gone? The thing that challenged me in Rosalyn Carter’s words is that she had the integrity to admit that dreams do die, and they don’t come back. Sometimes it really is over – though I can’t count how many times I have pushed and fought for a dream gone sour….Still she says we must take the best of the old if possible, or even find a new dream. We know that’s not an easy process. There is grieving when a dream dies, sorrow, anger, confusion. But her words suggest that there’s hope, there’s life beyond the death of a dream, that we can choose to dream again, rather than live in a cynical no man’s land defined by disappointment, confusion and frustration.

I used to think the most faith filled thing was to hold on to the dream. Fight for it in our hearts with all we have. Never let it go, never let it die. These days I think, after the dream has gone, the most faith filled, courageous thing we can do is to admit it. Then let go of the dream and cling with all we have left to Jesus. And then, possibly the scariest step of all – begin to move on into the future. Because where our faith is concerned, death is not the end, it is the start of new life.

“I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even though they die” John 11:25

More on this next week in Part 2…

The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.”

Gen 12:1

One question has dominated my thinking this summer:  Am I living for safety or adventure?

It began by watching a DVD of a man called Edwin Friedman (1932 – 1996), a rabbi, therapist leadership consultant. Friedman noted that society had become over focused on safety, and in doing so every institution had become stuck. Unable to think its way out of a rut, what society needed to move forward was adventure…

Friedman’s thoughts ignited something in me as I thought about walking with God today. Have we played it safe and avoided adventure? Have we got focused on what the church provides for our families, the quality of the gatherings, or our own personal healing?  On one level there is nothing wrong with wanting safety; after all God is our refuge. There is nothing wrong with seeking God for our own personal wholeness, he is our Healer. But I can’t help but feel that God has more in mind for us. There’s got to be more to knowing God than a good looking church, with great products. There’s got to be more to our journey with God than a safe expression of Christianity, for me, my friends and our kids. What is our true mission? I believe that from that place of refuge we are called out to the God adventure…

Our lives are full of other things, many of them God given. Could God be so inconvenient that he would break into our world and call us out from our comfort zones? The God adventure will look different for each of us. It might be the call to sponsor a child, to mentor someone. To give sacrificially, to talk to your neighbor about Jesus. It might be a call to lead, to open our home, to go for that promotion, change that career path.   Most of all, I think it’s an attitude where we stay open to whatever God has in store.

This summer, I’ve wondered what it would look like to put myself, my family, my desires in God’s hands again, and listen to his call. I’m realizing that walking with God on His adventure is the safest place to be.

Are we ready for a God adventure?

Being thankful is a discipline. We discipline ourselves to take time to say thank you to God when things are going well and it’s easy to be thankful. We must also discipline ourselves to choose to say thank you when things aren’t going well. There is always something to be thankful for.

I know we have all been in a situation where we have struggled to find something to be thankful for. On one particular Friday evening, I found myself sitting in the Emergency Room, holding a crying, scared Ben in my arms. He had just fallen face first into the coffee table, which resulted in oral trauma, which is how the nurses labeled him.

As I sat in that emergency room, waiting our turn, I heard God ask what I was thankful for. I wanted to scream I was so frustrated, but instead I chose to stop and think. I was thankful my parents could watch Liam, while we raced off to the hospital with Ben. I was thankful Ben’s injury was not life threatening. I was thankful he didn’t need stitches and hadn’t lost any teeth. I was thankful God’s created me to be a pretty even keel person, so I could remain calm and help Ben and my husband remain calm. And so I sat thinking of my list, feeling pretty pathetic about some of the small things I was thankful for, but realizing these small things led to larger things that I was thankful for.

I soon began to observe my attitude had changed. I was no longer as scared and frightened, but more able to trust that God was in control. He knew the day I had just lived. He knew what I needed right then. I was thankful He could meet my every need, Ben’s every need, my family’s every need. I had become genuinely thankful.

Being thankful is a discipline. The more you practice being thankful, the sooner you’ll catch yourself not being thankful the next time.

Reflection:

Where are you right now? Are you enjoying life?

Have you stopped to thank God for what he has given you today?

Maybe your situation is one you don’t feel thankful for. Will you choose to stop and think of what you could be thankful for?

Maybe your situation feels so raw at the minute you can’t feel anything. Wherever you are, choose to turn your focus onto Christ and listen to what He is saying to you.

Below are some scriptures to start you on your journey towards an attitude of thankfulness:

• 1 Cor 1:9
• Hebrews 7:25
• Romans 8:34
• Psalms 75:3; 34:18; 55:22; 139; 103; 147

Romance in Reality. Or ‘Female Porn’

“Research has shown that the popular romantic comedies of today give unrealistic expectations of what to expect in a relationship.”

Boy is that true. Did you know – my husband cannot read my mind and instinctively know when to give me a hug? Or when what I actually need is to be pinned against a wall, stared at intensely and told, “You are the most beautiful person I have ever known and I am privileged to be married to you, know you, spend even one second of my life with you”. In fact if he did that I would probably be very concerned about his mental health; something would be seriously wrong with him.

When we talk at a restaurant, music doesn’t begin to play over our conversation, leaving us with visuals of laughter, meaningful glances and flirtatious looks. Our evenings out (which are few and far between due to the practicalities of babysitters, a busy life and the current very pregnant state of me) do not end in a mad but graceful looking discarding of clothes and delicate undergarments before a non-messy display of tender love-making.

If stereotypical male porn serves to give an unrealistic expectation of the female body and the act of sexual intercourse, then romantic comedies and ‘chick-lit’ is porn for females. The meeting of all our needs in one fallible human being who always says the right thing is an unrealistic expectation.

To apply unrealistic expectations in the spiritual arena… we might not just “know” when we have met the guy that God wants us to be with. I personally believe that there may not be “just one guy”. I believe that God’s grace is wider than that – he allows us to make decisions – he’s given us a box to choose from … 2Cor6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” and then relationship advice… ‘Love is kind, not self-centred, not quick to anger’…. Apart from that he’s given us common sense. Do you like and get on with him?!! Do you have to pretend with him? Does he encourage you to be the person you were created to be?  Looks are good, but they don’t pay the mortgage! I’m not saying disregard that bit – but put it in its right place and consider practicalities!

Don’t look at the movies when looking for romance. Look at the real lives of those around you. Look at the couples who have been together for years. Ask questions- everyone wants to talk about the person they love. Don’t aim for perfection – no one person is perfect and we are all God’s works in progress.

In the last month, life has gone from fast jog to sprint.  I am already a full-time Mum with two children under three. I run a home, I need to spend time with my husband and I have various ministry responsibilities.

When we welcomed two girls into our home for six months of discipleship, I suddenly felt completely overwhelmed. Everyone needed my care. I had time allotted for dates, for rest, for retreat – and I was not willing to cut these out, or sacrifice the care I gave to our kids.

Lord, help me! What can I do? Where can I get more time, more strength so I don’t become bitter, tired and irritable? Previously my response would have been, ‘No, I’m not doing that’.  But this wasn’t a moment to give something up.  Instead, I felt God was asking me to allow Him to increase my capacity.

About a year ago, I was given a word about juggling fruit. I felt it meant that God would be giving me lots of activities and He wanted me to be fruitful in all of them.

When you learn to juggle you start with one object, moving it between your hands and then gradually you add more.  You will drop things along the way, but with practice you learn how to keep them in the air. God has gradually been giving me more things to juggle and, as promised, they have begun to bear fruit. Now I feel God is saying that he is throwing in another piece.

He challenged me about where my strength was coming from.  With two little ones I am constantly tired, but the real reason for me being irritable was interrupted or postponed time with God.  To increase my capacity, my strength has to come from Him.

For the past two weeks I have sleepily arisen to try and get my quiet time.  It hasn’t always happened. Sometimes I just can’t get up or my children wake up extra early, but I am now craving my time with the Lord more and more.  Seeing things from God’s perspective means they do not appear so overwhelming.

We have people coming round at four o’clock and I’m ready for bed, but God shows me how important the time is going to be. I am suddenly energised to listen intently and give myself to them.

“Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift!” Ecclesiastes 5:18 (The Message)

In what area of your life does God want to give you extra capacity?