Forgiveness
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
Mark 11:24-26
Someone said to me 4 months ago that it was all about forgiveness – and I think it is. Not just in the big things but in the small moments, in the moments where I would make decisions to withdraw or harden my heart or extract revenge!
I was a bridesmaid to a friend 2 years ago and then we didn’t see each other for 2 years. We would exchange the odd email or text or facebook wall message but we lost contact. I was really gutted and angry and felt so rejected by this friend as I loved her and she didn’t have time for me. Now this also pushed another one of my buttons – married people dump their friends! Now this is NOT true and I would have to say this was a symptom of my own brokenness! As she seemed uninterested and busy after a year or so I stopped suggesting we meet up and although I continued to send the odd facebook message every now and then I chose not to pursue our friendship in the same way and I hardened my heart towards my friend. Over the course of the following year God convicted me and every time I thought of her I had to forgive her in my heart. I had to choose to pray blessing over my friend and her husband and slowly the disappointment receded and so did the anger.
A few months ago she got in touch with me and suggested I come over for dinner at their new place. My gut response was no thanks, I can think of other things I would rather do – and wouldn’t dinner be a bit intense as we had not seen each other in 2 years? But I knew that if I had truly forgiven her and no longer held anything against her I would go to dinner and not just go to dinner but I would go without the intention of proving to her that my life was so great and peachy and that I hadn’t missed our friendship at all but I would go and be real.
So that’s what I did. To be honest I probably could have been a bit more vulnerable and real as opposed to being super Vanessa but I could feel God’s pleasure and blessing. It felt like a significant step in our friendship – no we are not that close and we never may be but it’s ok.
Forgiving people is not always easy but it was my heart that was caged. Engaging practically with forgiveness uncaged my heart. God wants to heal our hearts, He wants us to let go of people and situations that have hurt us, not carry it around with us and wait for the moment when we can give them a taste of their own medicine! God is a healer and He is also a provider – He provides friendships but more than that…(cheesy Christian line coming up) He IS the ultimate friendship.