Over the past year God has got me thinking about love a bit, and just recently about friendship. I’ve always found relationships a bit tricky. I was extremely shy as a kid and just sort of fumbled my way through friendships. I had a few Christian friends, but always struggled to know how to BE a good friend to others, not just have them be a good friend to me. I guess as I’ve got older it’s got easier, partly because I am so much more secure in my identity so I am way less intimidated by others, and partly because I’ve been watching how other people are good friends to each other and what that means. God has given me some amazing friends and community now who I really share life with, and I’m so grateful for them.
One of the things that God has got my attention with recently is the word compassion. Mark Stibbe in his book ‘The Father You’ve Been Waiting For’ (HIGHLY recommended), describes compassion in this way: “Compassion, in short, is about participation, not detachment. It is about actions more than words.” The word ‘participation’ really stood out to me. For so long I’ve held back from people and not asked them ‘personal’ questions about their life because I didn’t want to seem intrusive or just plain nosey, and then begun to feel quite detached from people. I’m finally understanding that love, and friendship, is about engaging with and participating in, someone else’s life. We were not created to live life in little self-contained bubbles on our own, but rather to have connections and meaningful interactions with other people. I am teaching myself to think in a different way now….instead of seeming to be disinterested in someone’s life I am trying to ask myself ‘how can I participate in this person’s life today ? Not as someone who can solve all their problems, but as someone who wants to stand alongside them, laugh or cry with them – and let them do the same for me.
Lots of people I know seem to already be very good at this, but maybe you’re like me and find it doesn’t come quite so naturally. Jesus, through living on the earth showed us the ultimate example of participating in people’s lives, and he is described as “the friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). I want to learn how to do this better! What about you?
