Jo Saxton

Living with an illness is never easy. We live in a world where we want to have quick fixes and instant solutions and we can be guilty of demanding that of God too, especially in regards to healing. I believe wholeheartedly that God has the power to heal all our diseases (“by his wounds you have been healed” 1 Peter 2:24). However, that healing may not be in the way we expect it to be or at the time we choose.

When I first met my husband he had been diagnosed with clinical depression about a year previously. He was unable to work, barely able to get up in the morning, on extremely strong anti-depressants and seeing various psychiatrists. With no obvious trigger point, life had been sucked out of him and he felt angry and abandoned by his Father in Heaven. He describes it as being completely numb to every feeling and emotion; no passion, no joy, no real sadness, just complete apathy. I believe that mental illness, particularly depression, is one of Satan’s biggest weapons of warfare today. It hangs like a thick fog over society as people are overcome by feelings of stress, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness. Depression flattens people, squashing the life out of them and Christians are by no means immune to this disease.

I really struggled with God as to why He was bringing me into this hugely significant relationship at a time that seemed completely wrong. But He showed me that His timing and plans are perfect. Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” (John 8:12). Sometimes, I think God uses us to be light bearers, to carry the light of Jesus into dark places where people are broken and lifeless. That’s how God has used our marriage. There hasn’t been a bolt of lightning healing; it’s been a long and gradual, often painful process, of prayer, healing and hope restored. We are in an ongoing battle against depression, with defeats and victories, but we choose to fight because we vowed to love each other in sickness and in health. We choose to say “Blessed be your Name” even in the desert places. If we don’t, then our hope is lost. And light does break through the darkness – my husband cried for the first time in years on our wedding day, he’s held down a job for the past four years, and now has an incredible passion to go and be a missionary. Our children’s names mean life-bringer and hope and they are a testimony to the life, light and hope that Jesus brings.

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