Researching family trees is big business these days. It has been made increasingly popular in the UK by TV programmes like Who Do You Think You Are (BBC), a documentary series looking into the family history of celebrities. What’s striking about this series is how often the celebrity involved appears to be deeply impacted by what they discover. Their perception of themselves, their parents, family traits and characteristics all seem to be reaffirmed or (more often) challenged. One celebrity said that uncovering the different strands of her family history and gathering them together made her feel like a more “whole” person. And I understand what she means. Filing in the blanks of history impacts our sense of self, our identity.
And identity matters. It’s fundamental to our very being. It’s the answer to the question “who am I?” and it influences our whole lives. I know this because discovering the truth of my own identity has been life changing.
It has been a journey of many years. From my teens into adulthood, over a period of about 13 years, my life was blighted by illness. The extent to which this limited my participation in “life” fluctuated but at times it was truly horrendous. Often weak and housebound I would spend many days at a time seeing or communicating with no-one, except my mother who was caring for me. And when I was able to go out and meet up with friends it was not a pleasant experience. I had nothing to say. I had been unable to continue with my degree study, was not able to work and just wasn’t “doing” very much of anything.
Who was I? I couldn’t have told you. I felt like a non-entity, a shadow, an empty shell.
I had lost any sense of identity. After all, what could I build it from? In our western culture we primarily build identity upon our occupation. Our jobs so often define us. But there are many other things. Who am I? I’m a nurse, a secretary, a student; I live in this area, drive this car, wear these clothes, play this sport, go to this church, have this ministry…And not only do we eagerly accept these labels, but we seek after them. Our identity becomes an aspiration, somewhere we’re trying to get to, someone we’re trying to become.
So here’s where I found myself: What do I do? Nothing. Who am I? Nobody.
But God met me in this empty space and what he taught me changed my life. He showed me my identity. An identity not based upon the circumstances of my life but upon the roots of my life. Like the celebrities on Who do you think you are? I had some digging to do, and what did I find? Join me in Part 2…
