Romance in Reality. Or ‘Female Porn’
“Research has shown that the popular romantic comedies of today give unrealistic expectations of what to expect in a relationship.”
Boy is that true. Did you know – my husband cannot read my mind and instinctively know when to give me a hug? Or when what I actually need is to be pinned against a wall, stared at intensely and told, “You are the most beautiful person I have ever known and I am privileged to be married to you, know you, spend even one second of my life with you”. In fact if he did that I would probably be very concerned about his mental health; something would be seriously wrong with him.
When we talk at a restaurant, music doesn’t begin to play over our conversation, leaving us with visuals of laughter, meaningful glances and flirtatious looks. Our evenings out (which are few and far between due to the practicalities of babysitters, a busy life and the current very pregnant state of me) do not end in a mad but graceful looking discarding of clothes and delicate undergarments before a non-messy display of tender love-making.
If stereotypical male porn serves to give an unrealistic expectation of the female body and the act of sexual intercourse, then romantic comedies and ‘chick-lit’ is porn for females. The meeting of all our needs in one fallible human being who always says the right thing is an unrealistic expectation.
To apply unrealistic expectations in the spiritual arena… we might not just “know” when we have met the guy that God wants us to be with. I personally believe that there may not be “just one guy”. I believe that God’s grace is wider than that – he allows us to make decisions – he’s given us a box to choose from … 2Cor6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” and then relationship advice… ‘Love is kind, not self-centred, not quick to anger’…. Apart from that he’s given us common sense. Do you like and get on with him?!! Do you have to pretend with him? Does he encourage you to be the person you were created to be? Looks are good, but they don’t pay the mortgage! I’m not saying disregard that bit – but put it in its right place and consider practicalities!
Don’t look at the movies when looking for romance. Look at the real lives of those around you. Look at the couples who have been together for years. Ask questions- everyone wants to talk about the person they love. Don’t aim for perfection – no one person is perfect and we are all God’s works in progress.
