Imitate Me
For most of my life I have struggled with comparing myself to others; to those I consider to be further ahead on my journey I have beaten myself up thinking I will never be good as them; to those I consider to be behind me on their journey I’ve gained a sense of security by consciously and subconsciously noting their weaknesses and failings, whilst I think to myself how good I am at being a Christian and sit there feeling smug. Both attitudes suck and have resulted in 2 things in my relationship with God my Father; firstly thinking that He doesn’t love me like He loves others, and secondly by becoming proud and arrogant.
God has done a lot to challenge me about the second attitude, but recently I have been thinking about the first one. I have often thought that I’m not as important, special or loved as those in leadership over me or around me. I apply this to promises God makes such as “God won’t really provide for me, he only does that for other people” or “God won’t really use me to heal people when I pray for them because I’m not as holy/spirit-filled/anointed (delete as appropriate) as others”. This little kernel of unbelief has got into me that God only does the cool stuff for big leader types, and I’ve allowed it to grow. Now I am finding I need to deconstruct this mindset and replace it with truth – mainly being that the promises I read about in the bible are FOR ME just as much as anyone else.
God also showed me something else which has been helpful; that leaders are there to show people what is possible, not to show us what we can’t have. So when they share a story of how God has provided for them it should make me excited that I can see that in my own life too!
The promises of God are not for those who achieve a certain spiritual status, but they are for the least, the last and the lost – and me. Instead of feeling insignificant in the face of other people’s God stories, I need to rejoice that someone has shown me that something is possible, and could also be true for me! This feels like such a relief; I no longer feel I have to live up to a certain standard. I think this has helped me understand why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 4:16-17:
“I urge you to imitate me. I am sending to you Timothy…he will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church”.
Paul isn’t being arrogant; he wants the Corinthian church to see the same level of power and activity of the Spirit in their lives as he does in his. Bring it on!