Jo Saxton

February 8, 2007, my dad, Jose Madrigal, passed away at 11:48 p.m. It was the single worst day of my life. Words cannot describe how awful that day was for me, for our family. Our world was completely shattered.

On that day I lost more than a father, I lost all the things he brought to my life. I lost someone to laugh at my stupid jokes and someone who made me laugh constantly. I lost a confidant and sounding board. I lost a man with wisdom and a man who gave mea new perspective on things. I lost a comforter and a role model. I lost a fighter and a pillar of strength. I lost my go-to-guy when it comes to questions about bugs, the house, or the car. I lost the first man here on earth that loved me unconditionally-no question.

Today more than two years, and two babies, later I am facing my grief head on. I am not pregnant anymore, and I have no newborns to tend to. I finally have a little more time to take care of me. I have joined a local Grief Share group and I am trudgingthrough. It is so hard not only dealing with emotions that I have had all along, but new ones coming to the surface. It is almost like it is happening all over again, why would I want to relive this? Can I handle this? Those are two questions that I have been asking myself lately.

Grief is something you have to go through. If you push it aside, it will show up someplace else eventually. You cannot forget it, throw it away, bury it, or burn it, you have to face it. I am at the beginning and want to share with you during my journey.Writing about my emotions is therapeutic for me, it helps me fully process my situation. I pray there is something one of you can benefit from as a result of my expression.

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