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As a mother, one of my favourite bible verses is probably “Children, obey your parents” (Eph 6:1a)! Doesn’t it feel amazing on those rare occasions when your children do exactly what you say, straight away, without complaining?!
I was reading something the other day and the phrase “Do not provoke your children to anger /do not exasperate your children” (Eph 6:4) caught my eye. I wondered how many times I had caused my kids to get angry with me. Of course, there are times when they need to be told off and their childish response is to get annoyed, frustrated or worse! At the end of the day they need to submit to their parents. However, this passage from Ephesians is all about mutual submission. Therefore, maybe we need to say yes to some of their suggestions and take the lead from them! How easy it is to always say no! Is the phrase ‘patience is a virtue’ aimed particularly at parents?!
Sometimes I need to stop and think. Why does my child get angry? Is it because of a childish response to needed discipline, or is there something I could change so they react differently?
As an adult I have more power. But of course, being a parent is not all about being on a power trip! It is important to model to our kids how to use power wisely – a good boss/ leader/ parent will give others a say, let others periodically take the lead, delegate and empower others with choices and responsibilities etc. A phrase we use a lot is ‘low control, high accountability’. That will bring life, freedom and excitement to those whom we have leadership over. At the end of the day, the buck does stop with me, the parent, but that is not a mandate to be highly controlling in how I lead my children.
As parents, the challenge is always to try to get the balance between loving discipline and being control freaks. Rather than being resentful and having lots of bottled up angst, I want my kids to have a positive outlook on life and to know that there are all sorts of possibilities out there for them. Of course I do believe parents have a clear responsibility to discipline their children when needed – should they cross a definite boundary then they need to know that there will be consequences! However, let’s also make sure we are training our children to be able to think for themselves and learn how to make wise choices now, even if that means we have to watch them make decisions we don’t agree with. Then we’ll need to help them work through any consequences. Let’s pray that they make more wise choices than bad ones!
Think: where do you say no to your child where maybe you should say yes? Or where do you say yes when you should say no?
Are there areas where you could empower your child more or where you could encourage them to take the lead?